No one should stand alone

This is the title of a new campaign that the Danish Health Authority has launched to create more awareness about postpartum depression. By Julie Carøe, Midwife and Founder of "Sammen Med Jer"

It's not just something that happens to the pregnant and giving birth part of the family - it can happen to both of you. It is estimated in Denmark, according to the Danish National Board of Health, that approximately 11% of mothers and 7-8% of fathers have or have had postpartum depression. These are the reported figures! Several experts in the field are convinced that there may be hidden figures alongside the known figures - so there may be more people with hidden reactions and depression.

There are of course also many parents who experience being challenged, without reaching the point of becoming depressed. It is also important to have a say in this context.

It has been a taboo for far too long that fathers can also be affected by postpartum depression. This must stop, and it is something I want to help change. That is why I strongly urge you to talk to those you know who have children – regardless of gender – about how you are experiencing it .

It's okay that you're not always in the best of moods. It's okay if you feel like everyday life is hard to handle. You don't have to strive to be the perfect mother or father, because I know you're doing your best - your very best. And that's really good. It's okay to reach out to those around you and talk about when things are difficult. Those around you need to be better equipped to deal with it when a mother or father opens up about something that is difficult and overwhelmingly borderline.

It is important to remember that parenthood can be challenging. It is therefore completely normal to experience mood swings. You may be sad, worried , angry , anxious about the future, indifferent and have changed reaction patterns. Some parents, especially men, experience the urge to withdraw from the family and seek the “old” and familiar. All of this can be reinforced by the lack of sleep that most families with children are challenged by in the first years. But what distinguishes normal from regular depression is when it becomes persistent and perhaps increasing. It is a condition that you need help to diagnose and overcome.

How do you get started with that? How do you open up to something so personal, vulnerable, and so transgressive?

First of all, it is important to be open and honest. That can be the hardest and most borderline-breaking thing to open up about your vulnerability. Tell your loved ones how you feel. Take a deep breath and tell them openly and honestly at your own pace. Tell them that it is really hard to talk about it, that you need time to get it said.

I have a request for everyone who experiences hearing about such a situation. Welcome the person with an open and empathetic mindset. Don't neglect it - don't put it off. Listen, listen and listen. Acknowledge and show understanding. Offer concrete help such as domestic help, shopping, babysitting or the like. Maybe it's a walk together with the stroller, where you listen to your friend's thoughts, that makes your friend dare to accept more help. Taking the step and saying it out loud is the biggest and most difficult thing. Welcome the trust that is shown to you, as a friend.

What can you do if everyday life feels overwhelming and like an insurmountable marathon?

Prioritize your sleep. Create a schedule in the family where you share sleep, time, food, etc. – and stick to it. This way everyone can get some sleep, it is the first step to better energy. Many parents hate the phrase “sleep when the child sleeps”, which is understandable because it is rarely possible. Try to organize yourself in a different way that makes it possible to get some consistent sleep during the day. Families are different, so the routines that work for one family will not necessarily fit your family.

If your family and friends want to visit, be honest about whether you have the energy to do so. If you are where your family or friends know you are having a hard time, accept their help with shopping, cooking, etc. Then you will see each other, but without having to do a whole lot. Because it can also be lonely, not seeing anyone. Sometimes a meal prepared for you, and someone who takes the baby while you sit and actually enjoy your food, can work wonders. Accept the help that is offered, it does not make you a less good mother or father. On the contrary, reaching out, asking for help, accepting help is strong. But it is also borderline-crossing to get there.

Fresh air, light and movement in the body can also help the body and brain to produce dopamine and other good neurotransmitters, which can also help the mood in the right direction. But these tips are not always enough.

It is important to ask for help, as untreated depression can cause challenges for the whole family, it affects everyone in the family and each individual's attachment . It can put a filter between parents and children, which can be difficult for everyone to be in. Especially as a little new person. So it is important that the family helps, lifts and supports each other. No one develops depression on purpose, and there is no guilt or shame in this. It can happen to anyone, and new parents are especially more at risk.

For some, the above is not enough. Therapy and possibly also medication are needed to get through a very difficult period. Just like a cast on a broken leg for a period. The psyche needs care, support and rehabilitation. Even professional athletes get injured, go into rehabilitation – and get back in top shape.

Talk to a professional. Reach out to your midwife, health visitor or your family doctor. It is important to get the right help in time. They can help track down, guide and send the family to the right place. Copyright – Sammen Med Jer – 2023